When Silence Gets Mistaken for a Lack of Confidence in Football

Football can be a loud environment...

From coaches giving instructions and teammates calling for the ball, to parents cheering from the sidelines - there is often a lot of noise surrounding the game.

In many ways, communication is an important part of football, and players are regularly encouraged to be vocal, expressive and confident.

But because of this, it can sometimes feel as though the loudest players are the ones who get noticed the most... so what about the quieter players?

Over the years, I've worked with hundreds of footballers - all of different ages, abilities and personalities, and one thing I've learned is that being quiet doesn't necessarily tell you very much about a player at all...

Some of the most dedicated, intelligent and coachable players I've worked with have also been some of the quietest - yet quiet players can often face challenges that aren't immediately obvious to others.

Parents sometimes worry that their child isn't confident enough - and teens/adults often feel this about themselves when playing (and tend to keep it to themselves too).

Coaches may mistakenly assume a player isn't engaged because they don't contribute much to discussions - and teammates may not always understand why a player keeps themselves to themselves, but the reality is often much more complex.

Being quiet isn't a weakness! nor is it something that needs to be "fixed".

However, in a football environment that often rewards confidence and communication, quiet players can sometimes need a little extra support to help them feel comfortable, valued, understood and included.

Being Quiet Doesn't Mean Lacking Confidence

One of the biggest misconceptions in football (particularly youth football in my experience) is that a quiet player must lack confidence...

While confidence can certainly play a role - the two aren't always necessarily connected.

Some people are naturally outgoing and extroverted... They love talking, asking questions and taking centre stage - whereas others are naturally more reserved and introverted (they prefer to observe before they speak, think before they answer and express themselves in different ways), and neither approach is right or wrong.

As coaches, we have to be careful not to confuse personality with confidence.

I've coached players who hardly spoke or asked/answered questions during a session but showed tremendous confidence when receiving the ball under pressure - I've also coached players who appeared incredibly confident on the surface because they were vocal and outgoing (yet privately worried about making mistakes or letting people down).

Confidence can show itself in many different ways...

Sometimes confidence is calling loudly for the ball, and sometimes confidence is attempting a new skill during a match. Other times, confidence is recovering from a mistake and trying again a few moments later.

For quieter players, I've noticed that confidence often reveals itself through actions rather than words.

For example, they may not always be the first to speak in a group discussion, but they might be listening carefully to every coaching point(s) (and subsequently begin actioning it/them).

An alternative example is that they may not shout the loudest during a game, but they consistently make good decisions and support their teammates.

They may not seek attention, but they show up week after week ready to learn and improve - and those qualities deserve to be recognised too!

Why Some Players Stay Quiet

There isn't one single reason why a player may be quiet - at least, as far as I'm aware.

For some people, it's simply part of who they are - they are naturally more introverted and feel perfectly comfortable expressing themselves in quieter ways (I myself am an example - more about me here: About).

For others, there may be factors affecting their confidence...

Joining a new team can feel daunting - and similarly moving into an older age group can be just as intimidating. Returning from injury or experiencing a dip in form - or even having a negative experience in the past can all impact how willing a player is to speak up and put themselves forward.

I've also worked with players (again - of all ages) who are incredibly self-aware! They care deeply about their football and want to do well - and while this can be a real strength, it can also sometimes lead to overthinking.

Here's a few examples of what players have shared with me when we've had frank and honest discussions about their confidence in football sessions/matches...

• They may worry about saying the wrong thing.

• They may fear making mistakes in front of teammates.

• They may compare themselves to others and question whether they're good enough.

In some cases, players may also appear quiet because they are still building trust within their environment (doing 1:1 football coaching sessions across Bournemouth, Poole and Christchurch, a lot of players are very shy and nervous when we get going - but by the end of the session - or in subsequent sessions, they begin to open up and talk a bit more once the trust has been established). Confidence often grows when players feel safe, accepted and valued for who they are rather than who others expect them to be and this is one reason why creating a positive coaching environment is so important.

In my experience - people are far more likely to express themselves when they know mistakes are accepted as part of learning and that they won't be judged for getting something wrong.

How I Try to Support Quiet Players

As a coach, I make a conscious effort to connect with quieter players because I know they can sometimes go unnoticed (and don't forget, I also consider myself to be quite a quiet person - so I resonate with players that are alike), but that doesn't mean that I put them on the spot or force them to become someone they're not...

In my experience, confidence is rarely built through pressure - It's built through trust.

Sometimes that starts with something as simple as learning what makes a player tick i.e. taking the time to understand what motivates, interests, worries, and encourages them with their football.

Just a short conversation before training or a quick check-in after a session to chat about how they're getting on at school/work, how they're feeling about football or what they enjoyed most about the session can make a big difference.

I also try to recognise progress that might otherwise be inadvertently overlooked...

For a naturally more extroverted player, a moment of growth might look obvious whereas for a quieter player, growth can be much more subtle.

It might be them volunteering an answer during a coaching discussion, or communicating with a teammate during a game... It may even be asking a question, sharing an opinion or simply stepping outside their comfort zone in a way they wouldn't have done a few sessions earlier - and those moments deserve to be celebrated.

I also believe it's important to create opportunities for players to succeed in different ways. Not every player (youth or adult) wants to lead a team talk or be the loudest voice in the group.

Some players lead through their attitude, their consistency, their work ethic and the standards they set for themselves and others - football needs those players too!

In fact, many of the qualities associated with quieter players (listening skills, focus, self-reflection and resilience) can become significant strengths both on (and off) the pitch. For more information and to see what players/parents have said, please take a look at the Reviews/Testimonials page

Read Reviews/Testimonials

Looking Beyond the Volume

One of the most valuable lessons I've learned as a coach is that every player develops differently.

Some players arrive full of confidence and energy whilst others take time to come out of their shell - some may never become particularly vocal, and that's perfectly okay! as (like I try to point out when I coach - you don't just have to use your voice to communicate).

The aim shouldn't be to turn every quiet player into the loudest person on the pitch - it should be to help every player feel confident enough to be themselves, contribute when needed and enjoy their own personal football journey.

If you're a quiet footballer (or a parent of), try not to assume that silence means something is wrong...

Ask questions, listen to your/their experiences and focus on how you/they feel - rather than how you/they compare to others (and jot down the answers - I often find this helps me when I'm self-reviewing).

If you're a player reading this, remember that there is no single personality type that succeeds in football...

You don't have to be the loudest.

You don't have to be the most outgoing.

And you don't have to change who you are to belong in the game...

Keep learning, keep challenging yourself and keep enjoying your football! (there's a place for you in the game). Confidence comes in many forms, and being quiet doesn't stop you from becoming a fantastic player...